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The Offside Rule - Made Easy

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As per request of my sweetheart, whom after enduring 2 man utd games still doesnt quite get the rule. Lets face it, you chicks have always been stumped when guys all around you shout "he's offside for cryin out loud, wtf's d linesman doin?, is friggin blind?" A split second later, rebuttals like, "thats a clear cut offside, well done ref" come from the other side of the room. I bet the only response you girls muster is a very soft, 'huh?'

I'm not saying all guys know the offside rule inside out especially with Fifa, the worlds governing body always changing it to the game's benefit.

Let me first explain the need for the offside rule.

The offside rule exists to stop goal hanging, where a player(Number 9) stands next to the opposing teams goalkeeper in the hope that someone (Number 11) can get the ball to him (probably using a long ball), so he can get it past the goal keeper. Which would make for a very boring game. (like netball..) Heh. I just had to do that.

Lets now take a look at the rulebook before i illustrate the rules.

Offside Position
It is not an offence in itself to be in an offside position.
A player is in an offside position if: he is nearer to his opponents’ goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent.
A player is not in an offside position if he is in his own half of the field of play or he is level with the second last opponent or he is level with the last two opponents.

Offside - The Offence
A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of the referee, involved in active play by: interfering with play or interfering with an opponent or gaining an advantage by being in that position.

OFFSIDE
This is offside because the red number 10 is in front of all of the defenders, leaving only the goalkeeper back which isn't enough players to play him onside. This position may have been forced by the defenders moving forward in what is called the offside trap.

ONSIDE
Here we can see that the blue number 3 defender has failed to move up the field with rest of his defence and played the red number 9 onside. This is a classic example of where the offside trap fails

2 OPPONENTS RULE
The red number 9 isn't beyond the blue 4 defender but is offside because the goal keeper isn't back. This is one of those rare occasions where goal keeper is out of the goal (e.g. last minute of F.A. Cup final on a corner kick) and can't get back in time but if the attacking team play the ball as they normally would it would be offside because the offside rule requires two defenders to be in front the attacker and the goal keeper usually counts as a defender.

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The Offside Rule for Females

Now, after reading it all, and if u still dont get it. Slap yourself silly.

Picture this:
You're out shoe shopping and you notice that there's a pair of shoes that would go really well with that dress you've just bought. The trouble is, another chick has spotted the same pair of shoes too and she's between you and the cashier. To make matters worse, your friend's got your purse and she's busy at the back trying on another pair of shoes. The rules of shopping dictate that you can't barge past your opponent, grab the shoes and wait at the front of the queue until your friend throws you some money - that would earn you a retail red card. What you have to do is get your friend to throw you the purse first, then you can barge Past the other girl, grab the shoes and clinch the deal.

Hmm...if that doesnt do it for you chicks, just face it, football's just way too intellectual for you lot.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 7:18 PM,
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