Petr Cech - lost his virginity before his dad did.
Paulo Ferreira - He does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Paulo Ferreira goes killing
John Terry - He once had cancer, but drank a galss of Sprite, and burped it out.
William Gallas - You will never see him have a bad game, in fact if its at night you won't see him at all.
Azier Del Horno - His tears cure AIDS. Too bad he has never cried
Wayne Bridge - BUMMed will Young
Claude Makelele - He once walked down the road with an erection. There were no survivors
Frank Lampard - In a bid to re-create little red riding hood, he dresses up as a wolf and killed all grandmothers in a twenty mile radius.
Michael Essien - He is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Arjen Robben - He doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Didier Drogba - He is shit
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