Many Are Called. Few Succeed. Manchester United: Beyond the Promised Land

United vs Chelski: The Preview

Joseph Harker
Wednesday April 26, 2006
The Guardian

This weekend sees what is likely to be the climax of the domestic football season, as Chelsea, the wealthiest club in Britain, take on Manchester United, the biggest, and almost certainly clinch their second successive league title.

Nothing better encapsulates this money-dominated football era: the combined salaries of the two squads would probably be enough to finance the average eastern European country. But the crucial difference between the two clubs has been lost because, in their routes to wealth, United and Chelsea are at opposite ends of the morality spectrum.

United have earned the right to be the highest spenders. They became the nation's best-supported club because their dramatic history captured the public imagination: a manager who moulded a title-winning team, the "Busby Babes", but lost most of them in a tragic plane crash, then built another team, which within 10 years became the first English club to win the European Cup.

United's support swelled, so when money did enter the game they could make the most of this support in gate receipts, merchandising and TV money.

Chelsea had none of this, but had just qualified for Europe's Champions League when Russian oil company Sibneft paid out billions of pounds in dividends to its major shareholders, one of whom was Roman Abramovich. It was relatively easy then for a tiny group of well-connected businessmen to exploit their links with the post-communist regime of Boris Yeltsin, and persuade ordinary Russian workers into giving up their individual share vouchers, unaware of their real value.

The obscenity of this is borne out by figures out last week which show that the 100 richest Russians are worth more than a quarter of Russia's GDP. There is vast inequality in Britain, but Russia is another universe: 18% of its people live below the poverty line; the average wage is the equivalent of £2,000. Yet last year Abramovich sold off his last Russian business interest for £7bn, bringing his total wealth, as estimated in this week's Sunday Times Rich List, to £10.8bn.

But what can someone with such wealth spend it on? In 2003 he was flying by helicopter over London when he saw a football ground. Within a couple of months he owned Chelsea. In another few weeks he'd spent £100m on players. In a year, having failed to win a trophy, he'd sacked the manager and brought in the man who'd just won the European Cup, Jose Mourinho, himself lured by the £4m salary. Mourinho spent £100m more on players and went on to win the title for Chelsea a year later - their first in 50 years, and only their second ever.

Of course, wealthy benefactors have often backed clubs - Chelsea had Matthew Harding in the 1990s. But he was a fan of the club and wanted to realise his dream. Abramovich had no previous connection with either England or Chelsea. And no one has had such a distorting effect on the game.

When Arsenal offered to double the wages of their full-back Ashley Cole, Chelsea said they'd triple them - to £80,000 per week. What was already an obscene amount became pornographic. Clubs across the league are having to up their players' wages. So the cash spent by ordinary fans is being eaten up by fewer and fewer super-wealthy people.

At Chelsea they all know where the money has come from. Football agents, of course, don't give a damn about its source. And football pundits and commentators talk about the quality of the players, or the tactics, or the managers' quotes, turning a blind eye towards the mass poverty left behind.

The fact is, Chelsea now stands for nothing but greed; the club has become a moral stain on the face of the sport. The more these injustices are tolerated, the more we are all corrupted.

3 hours to kickoff as D Day draws closer. Will the league title be wrapped up by the end of the night? Hell no! We're gonna fuck em up on their own turf! At the very least, with this being Chelski's last home game they wont be presented with the trophy in front of their home fans! I'd take anything positive at this point.

3 games to go. 7 points behind. Game on. With Chelski facing 2 away fixtures at newcastle and blackburn, the dream is still very much alive!

Glory Glory Man Utd!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 5:00 PM,
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United Reserves Complete League And Cup Double

United have completed a league and cup double after Aston Villa's defeat to Leeds handed the FA Premier Reserve League Title to Rene Meulensteen's side. Just 48 hours after the Reds clinched the Manchester Senior Cup, Villa slipped to a 2-1 home defeat to make United the first team in history to retain the Reserve League title.

United will now face Tottenham next week in the National Reserve League Playoff. Fixture details will appear first on ManUtd.com. The champions' final league fixture is against Liverpool on Sunday. The game, which kicks off at 1pm, will be shown live from the Racecourse Ground on MUTV.

Cosidering most of our youngsters are out on loan, this is awesome news. Still shows we're the best in developing youngsters! Well done!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 2:06 PM,
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The Perfect Bowling Posture?

Its got strike written all over!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 1:55 PM,
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All Hail Manish Gupta: The Masturbation King

Manish Gupta Shatters Masturbation World Record

It's official, Manish Gupta is the new king of masturbation. In a stunning feat of endurance and determination, Manish Gupta achieved 36 orgasms in a 24 hour period!

Sleeping intermittently during the 24 hour marathon, Manish Gupta remained focused and aroused by his impressive library of pornographic films. With over 400 films in his library and 3 televisions playing movies at all times, he had a continuous stream of footage to aid him in his quest.

It is apparent by the massive development of the muscles in his forearm that Manish Gupta is not your average masturbator. In an interview with UJ reporters after the record setting event, Manish Gupta was quoted as saying, "masturbation for me is a way of life. I've been training for this day since I was 13 years old and I'm happy with my performance today".

This record was formerly held by German Student, Hans Blickstein who achieved 27 orgasms in a 24 hour period. Mr. Blickstein was not available for comment.

When asked what his next world record achievement would be, Manish Gupta said "my immediate goal is to get a bag of ice and some lotion on my penis to soothe the burning"

I guess congratulations is in order then! Well done, mate!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 6:20 PM,
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Paris Hilton Being er, Her "Classy" Self

Well if ure thinking, there's nothing wrong with this pict and Paris's just being her "Classy" self, think again!

How much more must we put up with this dirty fuckin Hilton's?

Tackled By The Red Devil at 5:53 PM,
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"Best Party Of My Life"

Heh. I guess he sure did show his appreciation for the stripper rubing her crotch against his body!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 5:41 PM,
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Singaporean Teen Commits Suicide Over Penis Size

An 18-year-old Singaporean student committed suicide last month because he was convinced his penis was too small, a report said on Wednesday.

State Coroner Tan Boon Heng said the case highlighted the importance of sex education in schools and recommended the details be forwarded to the education ministry, the Straits Times reported.

The teenager, who was not named, jumped from a building on March 3. A suicide note explained why, an investigation to determine the cause of death said.

Well, this dude might have had a small dick, but some massive balls if he actually talked to his mom about that. That must have been one hell of an awkward conversation.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 5:31 PM,
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Disney Cloning

Not sure if this is gonna interest anyone but this site shows that over the years Disney has been reusing/copying parts of its cartoons. Lazy bastards!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 4:44 PM,
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The World's Oldest Football

The world's oldest football is being sent to Germany for the World Cup. The 450-year-old ball will form the centrepiece of an exhibition on the history of the sport. The 16th century ball is made from a pig's bladder and the cover constructed from pieces of thick leather, possibly deer, and tightly laced together.

Nothing like some good old fashioned football history huh?

Tackled By The Red Devil at 9:08 PM,
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World Cup Predictions

So i've got Brazil coming up trumps with their 6th world cup triumph with the dutch coming as close as they've ever been in 2nd and Portugal, whom ive tipped to be beat England in the quarters coming in 3rd. All thanks to the BBC's world cup predictor! Try it out HERE!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 3:12 PM,
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Awesome News

"A 10 minute oogle at a women's breast is as healthy as half an hour in the gym." All of a sudden, i feel a sudden bout of health consciousness coming about. Heh. Its not like i ever needed scientfic research for me to stare and oogle. Lol.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 11:04 PM,
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Dont You Just Love A Clear Blue Sky?

I sure do.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 10:04 PM,
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Like Mother, Like Daughter

I guess this further explains why Paris is the way she is. Its definitely hereditary! Check out Paris's slutty mom, kathy hilton in action HERE.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 1:03 PM,
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United Goal Updates

United 2 - 0 Cheating Cunts (Arsenal)

United 2 - 1 Tottenham

And in between those victories was a drab 0-0 draw with Sunderland which has more or less squashed the little hope we had in pipping Chelski to the title! Its still not mathematically impossible for us to reign supreme once again! 3 games to go and Chelskis gotta lose all 3 remaining games.

Their remaining games include hosting Utd at the bridge, a trip to blackburn and a home fixture against Newcastle. 9 points on the line and they're gonna end up with zilch. You heard it here first. You know what they say, it aint over till the fat lady sings! We're gonna fight till the fuckin end! Its Chelskis title to lose now as its been for the past couple of months. Bring on the Chelskian cunts!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 6:17 PM,
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Slap That Ho

Lets get straight to it then, and slap that ho! The harder the better! All i managed was 345 mph which makes me a super pimp! Hell Yeah!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 3:27 PM,
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Brokeback Mountain 2: The Sequel

It definitely aint gonna be bout 2 friends this time round! Just full on lesbo action! I'm gonna go as far as predicting that the sequels gonna smash all the fuckin box office records!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 2:21 PM,
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Fucking Scouse Bastards

And they wonder why Liverpool fans have such a reputation. Every club has idiots for fans, we have a few of our own, but none that I've seen go that length on away trips. It's disgraceful. Fucking mentally retarded scum mocking a disaster and capping it off by praising Harold Shipman, a scouse doctor who murdered 250 of his patients who were mostly residing in manchester. Shameful.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 1:53 PM,
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